just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
