Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
