Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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