so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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