Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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