like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
He did a backflip because drugs
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