I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
