Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
