I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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