windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
