Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I can't turn off my feet"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
The Olympian is in my bed
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