Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
