My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
