I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
