I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
