were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
