smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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