The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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