god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
