Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
