The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
