Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
40s are totally the cure
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
