whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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