I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
