He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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