um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
