Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
