just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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