i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
