pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Everclear isn't food dammit
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
