There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
