I just saw a hot homeless man
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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