my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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