omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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