Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
cat food counts as protein by the way
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
