That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
