why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
