Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
