I wish life had little blips of pornography
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
this is an emotional support booty call
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
