That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
