She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
