Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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