Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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