She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
