he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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