Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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