Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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