just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
