so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
