I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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