I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
